The HEALING ROOM

In my own journey in forgiveness, I felt I needed a “place-to-go” when feeling overwhelmed or distraught, or anxious about the people who caused me great harm in my own life. At times, I have struggled mightily with forgiving others and regularly prayed to our Lord for assistance. I wanted to visit a figurative place with practical tools I could use to find reconciliation and closure from the ugly events and harsh words of the past. I wanted to visit a place of comfort filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit. Our Lord HAS provided me such a place to go on a regular basis. Our Lord led me to a place I call the “Healing Room.” I’m hoping your own visits to the Healing Room will be as helpful for you, as they have been for me.  

In conversations with others over many years, I’ve noticed that most of us STILL struggle with forgiveness issues. We can’t just let go of the trauma that certain people caused in our lives. In so many cases, the angst of unresolved relationships gets buried deep within us. And while we continue to harbor all the ravages of a bitter and unforgiving heart, the results are disastrous. We are affected physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Our well-being is destroyed. Our joy of life is robbed from us. We continue to suffer. We frequently adopt bad habits with addictions to food, booze, drugs, or many other things which are just not good for us. We adopt these awful habits while still masking our pain. We might wonder when all this anxiety will ever end.

We might be feeling that we have tried forgiving others on our own terms, under our own power, in our own ways. We’ve heard sermons, read books, perhaps even had counseling. Nothing seems to work. We are still stuck. We are at our wits-end about what to do next.

In my own life, I’ve discovered that forgiving others (and ourselves) is really hard work. Our Lord desires to help us, anointing us all with His Holy Spirit every step of the way. 

As we enter the Healing Room, let us: “Pray in the Spirit at all times on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere”. (Ephesians 6:18) 

Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, you who are weary and find life burdensome, and I will refresh you. Take my yolk upon your shoulders, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. Your souls will find rest, for my yolk is easy and my burden light.”

We may be reluctant to even think about the people who inflicted so much harm on us from the past. We may still be angry, resentful, bitter or even depressed. We can “bury-it” deep in our hearts and minds, or pretend the harm never happened. Even to this day, I can clearly remember the litany of critical and hurtful words foisted upon me as a child by my own mother. Fortunately, I have found ways to forgive her.

We may assume we’ve already forgiven others because we once shed a tear about them, or once offered a prayer on their behalf. These alone may not be enough. There may still be forgiveness work to be done, and we have to do it. And Jesus is at- the-ready to help us.

Entering a place like the Healing Room ENABLES us to grapple with the past, to put things in perspective, to confess our own wrongdoing, be equipped with new tools, then be able to move on, and be set free. 

John 16:33: “In the world, you will find trouble, but be of good cheer (take heart), I have overcome the world.”

I think Jesus is saying to us: Come into My Healing Room. I am with you in every aspect of what happens for your own healing, and for new levels of restoration and peace. I want to help you be Set Free!

We enter this quiet and Spirit filled room. On our left is a wall where Jesus’ picture is prominent at the top. On this wall, we see the pictures of two groups of people. The first group are the ENCOURAGERS we’ve had in our lives. They may have been parents, bosses, teachers, coaches, friends, or mentors. They only sought the best for us. They saw things in us, that we had not discovered yet in ourselves. They were patient, kind, and gentle. They just loved us as we were. And many of these folks showed up at precisely the right time--- when we were in the most need. Many of them were like “emissaries” from God to us. It’s like Jesus sent us new helpers.

Another group of pictures are also on this wall--- the WELL-POISONERS. These folks were nasty, vicious, often selfish, or downright mean. They were often boorish control freaks, and they seemed to be “out-to-get-us”. They directed harsh and critical words at us unnecessarily. They were often arrogant and narcissistic. Many were in PAIN themselves, and just lashed out at anyone nearby, and we may have been within earshot. We had to absorb all their abuse and vile behaviors. Many were OUT of control. Many were our parents. Many really did not know what they were doing. (See Luke 23:34)

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about these two groups of people. When I first thought about the Encouragers, I was able to think of more than 30 people who had been or are Encouragers. Guess how many in the well-poisoner category? Only five. I have been so grateful for ALL the Encouragers, but unfortunately, I have to admit that I’ve spent far more time thinking about what those well-poisoners did or said.

Scriptures to check out: Matthew 5:43-48, about loving our enemies; James 1:2-4, about allowing difficulties that come our way to be opportunities for growth and joy; or Hebrews 12:15: “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”

We are now standing in front of wall #2. Here we GRAPPLE with what happened to cause us hurt, harm or damage. We can recall harsh conversations, and the behaviors and antics of others which were so egregiously hurtful to us. We were cheated, defrauded, betrayed or abandoned. We were abused. We were taken advantage of, or just ignored or overlooked. We became a receptacle for others’ egregious, nasty words. We were victims of really bad behavior by others. 

This wall has a series of white boards with markers. We get to write down specific details about situations and people we found so harmful. We should take a few minutes to do so. We get to transfer the GRUB (grudges, resentments, unforgiveness and bitterness) stuck in our hearts and minds right onto the board. 

We now have what happened right in front of us. We SEE and may still FEEL what happened, and we are looking at the faces/pictures of our past and current tormentors. This exercise is not much fun, however, it’s important in moving ahead. With all the information right in front of us, we can begin to think about what we need to do next.   Considerations and Questions for wall #2: 

How long have we been harboring our grudges, resentments, and bitterness toward certain people? Are we still nursing unresolved rage from our childhood days, or from events which happened decades ago?  

Will we continue to go on withholding forgiveness, knowing full well that it disrupts our peace and joy as humans, and as followers of Jesus Christ?  

Have we ever tried to understand why our offenders did what they did? (Please refer to the New Mindset for Forgiveness workbook for more insights.)  

Did we fan the flame of hostility and animosity in others due to our own actions or words? Did we make mistakes too? Have we ever attempted to apologize to others?  

Did we “receive” what others did way too personally? Did we over-react?  

Have we studied the true meaning of turning the other cheek in the Scriptures in Matthew 5:38-42?   

Scriptures to check out:  Luke 23:3: “…they knew not what they were doing,” or Ephesians 4:31-32: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”  Romans 12:17-21: “Never pay back evil with more evil… never take revenge… leave that to the righteous anger of God. Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”  

Imagine you are standing in front of a wall with many holes. Each hole has a caption underneath it, with words such as hatred, rage, grudges, resentments, bitterness, judgments, gossip, slander, name-calling, revenge, animosity, hostility, vindictiveness, contempt, etc. These represent SINS related to an unforgiving heart. We need to confess these sins to be set-free.

When we entered the Healing Room, imagine we brought in with us a large bag of stained and dirty socks which represent our SINS related to unforgiveness. (These socks also have an odor!)

Now imagine STUFFING our pairs of dirty socks into each of the holes on this wall. Once these socks enter the holes, there is a loud sucking sound with a kind of “whoosh.”  The socks disappear, and are GONE! We empty the bag of socks. We KNOW that Jesus is involved, and miraculously, the holes are getting smaller as we stuff these socks. This is our form of CONFESSION for harboring all the poisons of an unforgiving heart. We are getting FREED UP by our Lord!

Scriptures to check out: Matthew 7:1-5: about judgments; James 4: 7-10: about confessing our sins; Matthew 5:21-24: which talk about anger; Psalms 51:1-7: about “blotting out all our sins, and transgressions and seeking His mercy”; Galatians 5:19-22: about “following the desires of a sinful nature,” but then transforming our nature into producing fruit for our Lord by living out His Holy Spirit in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Our final wall helps us to review all the ways we can forgive others, and ourselves. The Workbook suggests about 20 of these including:

1. Prayerfulness and asking our Lord Jesus for His help
2. Studying the Scriptures for help in our healing. Many are suggested in the Workbook.
3. Books on forgiveness like: Forgiveness is a Choice by Enright, or Let it Go, by TD Jakes
4. Professional counseling, with an experienced Christian counselor. This person could be a member of the clergy.
5. Small Groups of Christians, who meet regularly to discuss tough topics like forgiveness. (It’s helpful to talk through the issues, and feel the encouragements of others to press ahead.)
6. Having a skilled Mentor, who has dealt with forgiveness issues in their own lives.
7. Vent Letter + (Information can be found in the Workbook.)
8. Spiritual Works of Mercy of the Catholic Church
9. Being prayed over, with other Christians.
10. Calling or meeting with those with whom we desire to reconcile.
11. Offering an apology for our own words or actions. 
12. A healing of memories session with trained counselors

All of these and more can be tools in becoming set free from the ravages of a bitter and unforgiving heart. I believe we need to keep these close by because the evil one likes to lurk around looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8-9). The evil one DOES NOT want us forgiving anyone, and will tempt us to get riled up again, when we’ve already gone through the process of forgiving. The evil one likes to dredge up the past.

Scriptures to check out: Ephesians 6: 10-20: shows how to “…put on the armor of God” to fight against the tactics of the devil; Ezekiel 36:25-27: on changing our stony stubborn hearts into hearts that are tender and responsive; James 2:13: having to do with MERCY (we need to be merciful!) Romans 12:9-12: having to do with loving each other with genuine affection.

We’ve mustered the courage and fortitude to enter and visit all the walls inside the Healing Room. We’ve encountered our offenders, revisited what happened to us, confessed our sins, and reviewed the tools we need to stay vigilant in the continued process of forgiveness.

We now step outside the Healing Room. It’s been a good visit. We feel quite relieved, like a heavy weight has been lifted away from us. It’s a warm sunny day outside, with a gentle breeze. We feel as relaxed and peaceful as we have in many years. Our well being has been restored. It’s as if we just got released from prison after many years of incarceration. We are quite giddy with joy about our visit today. All our hard work has paid off. Our courage in entering the Room is being rewarded.

We sense that Jesus is filled with joy, on our behalf. We asked for His help, and He willingly supplied all we needed. We are ready for what He has next for us… Glory to Jesus!  

Scriptures to Check out: Colossians 3: 12-15: contains extremely important verses for us to study frequently: “You must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

Philippians 4:8: “And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Matthew 5:7: “God blesses those who are merciful. For they will be shown mercy.”

2 Timothy 2: 23-26: “We must not quarrel but be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.” (all these verses here are great!)

2 Corinthians 5:17: “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”